EDitorial ± 16-Jan-2012
Nordmyra, An Ikea Adventure
me: So, is B. coming?
E: Yep, I said we'd pick her up.
me: Fine. Rose, you ready to go?
R: Nearly. Is it alright if I. comes too?
me: Er, yeah, I suppose so.
G: Really? That'll be seven of us. You know we'll never fit those chairs in?!
me: It'll be fine.
[on the road at 6pm, arriving Ikea Thurrock at 7:15pm -- easy peasy -- and straight into restaurant for mandatory meatballs, then the obligatory meander through the showrooms while parking bottoms on assorted dining chairs, finally hitting the self-service warehouse around 9:15pm]
me: Right, aisle 11. There they are. How many are we buying?
G: Well, six if they've got them.
me: Er, they've got four. No, five. I guess we're taking the lot.
[pulls out first cardboard box, not a convenient rectangle but an almost perfect and unwieldy 80cm square, and stacks five of 'em on the industrial trolley before heading for the till and out to the car]
me: OK, everyone in the car and let's see what space
G: They won't fit. No way.
me: [watches as kids 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5 quickly fill up the car] We shall see. Mind your feet in the back, chair number 1 coming through.
R: It's squishing our feet. Can't you move your chair forward?
[after five minutes, a grand total of three boxed chairs are wedged into the car, leaving only two in the car park]
me: Anyone got any scissors or a penknife? No? Bear with me, this won't take long.
[uses front door key to rip tape from remaining two boxes and begins to stack contents on the concrete, then painstakingly slots chair legs, seats and small packs of screws into available boot space; satisfied that boot will close, nervously glances right at pile of photo frames, storage boxes and tealights: further shuffling ensues]