Below are the answers to the 2005 quiz, all 58 of them.
But first, we have a winner. First all-correct entry pulled out of the inbox and who receives a £20 Amazon.co.uk voucher is...
Haydon Ritchie --- well done!
Thanks again to all those who entered.
Thursday, and another DAY IN THE LIFE of Billy Diamond, IT consultant.
Now, thought Billy, should I DRIVE MY CAR to work or take my bike? Ah, still got that puncture, he remembered: must fix it later WHEN I GET HOME.
Driving along the LONG AND WINDING ROAD to the office, his mind went back to what had happened the NIGHT BEFORE. Out for a celebratory BIRTHDAY meal, he'd had a stupid fight with Holly, who'd stormed off home, shouting DON'T BOTHER ME ever again!
Ignoring her advice, he'd gone round to her place, rang the bell, but there was NO REPLY. Eventually ANOTHER GIRL had opened the door.
"MARTHA MY DEAR, asked Billy, "what's with the broken glass in the driveway?"
"Oh, Holly forgot her key," explained Martha, so SHE CAME IN THROUGH THE BATHROOM WINDOW. By the way, I don't know WHAT YOU'RE DOING to that poor GIRL, but SOMETHING tells me that you should GET BACK home and LET IT BE for tonight."
"OK, I WILL," he'd answered. "Oh, and GOOD NIGHT, Martha."
If you're not careful, thought Billy as he approached his place of work, YOU'RE GOING TO LOSE THAT GIRL. Maybe I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER than to get involved with a colleague after all.
Holly was already at work, cooing over a tiny baby that someone had brought in to show off. "Oh, hi Julie", said Billy, addressing the tot's mum. Then, noticing the Newcastle United babygrow worn by the LITTLE CHILD, he observed, "Don't see many BABY'S IN BLACK and white. And Nick, be a pal and fetch JULIA coffee, would you?"
"Normally I'd make drinks FOR NO ONE, man," said Nick, "but since you're holding the BABY IT'S YOU I'll make an exception for. I'LL BE BACK in a jiffy, man."
As Nick left, the infant started to sob: "Go ahead, CRY BABY CRY," soothed Julie. "IT WON'T BE LONG before your next feed. Honestly, Holly, I hadn't realised that BOYS were so much trouble" - Holly gave Billy a withering look - "and it's been a LONG LONG LONG time since I've had a decent night. I'M ONLY SLEEPING two to three hours at a stretch, that's why I'M SO TIRED. Sometimes IT'S ALL TOO MUCH for me to take. Even if the babe's not crying, I'LL CRY INSTEAD."
"Julie," said Billy, "if you need HELP with anything, at ANYTIME AT ALL, just say THE WORD. He turned to Holly: "Can we have a chat, just the TWO OF US?"
Before Holly could answer, Nick returned with the vending machine coffee, but knocked over his desk tidy sending small items of stationery FLYING, leaving Billy surrounded by drawing pins. "Billy, mind the TAXMAN," advised Nick. "I NEED YOU to go NOWHERE MAN until I've picked them all up. Dunno what's the matter with me today: my mind is HERE, THERE AND EVERYWHERE. Oh, and watch out, the boss is coming."
Jack strode up to Nick: "I don't know WHAT GOES ON when I'm not here, but your TPS report was due YESTERDAY and I can't WAIT another day. So, please TELL ME WHY I should extend the deadline just for you?"
"Well," answered Nick defiantly, "to put you out of your MISERY, I've been FIXING A HOLE bunch of network problems this week, man. Haven't you noticed that performance has been slowly GETTING BETTER?"
"Er, yep," said Jack, who wasn't really that bad a boss. I'VE GOT A FEELING that head office won't be too bothered. But please DON'T LET ME DOWN again, OK? And I'd LOVE YOU TO bring me a cuppa in room 910, there's a good chap."
"Sure boss," replied Nick, "that the ONE AFTER 909?"
With Nick out of the way, Billy finally took Holly to one side. "There's so many things I WANT TO TELL YOU," he said looking her in the eye. "Holly, I'M A LOSER, and you deserve better than that."
Holly leaned close to Billy's ear and whispered "Listen closely, DO YOU WANT TO KNOW A SECRET? You're an idiot, Billy Diamond," she went on, "yet still I LOVE YOU."