One of The Boy's favourite bedtime books at present, on loan from those benevolent folk at the local library, is called Pirate Jam. In which the two main characters, Fredbeard & Little Jim, who can't buckle swashes and get seasick, fail their exams ("You two be useless pirates!", cries their teacher) but then go on to use assorted shipwrecked items to create delicious strawberry jam and stripey jumpers. Har-har!

Very same Boy could be found at a pirate-themed party yesterday; he went equipped with hat, cutlass and telescope, while other 4-5 year olds raced around with moustaches, hooks and bandanas, skidding on giant soft play doubloons and crawling through barrels. Those lads and wenches stopped only for a quick goblet o' grog.

I got hold of a BBC Radio cassette of Comedy Classics some while back, and the highlight is a really funny sketch from The Million Pound Radio Show. The pirate captain suspects that his crew aren't happy because they want a bigger share of the loot, but then the first mate says:

We wants a training day, preferably in a nice hotel near Hastings, where all us seadogs can sit us down, pool our experience, compare work methods and prioritise objectives, damn your eyes!

First mate goes on to demand an occupational health officer and a creche, and speaks of wanting to improve his communication skills "'cos pirates only speaks in the present tense". Marvellous.

If You Take Away With You Nothing Else

Buccanneers & corsairs:

1. I once saw a stage production of Captain Pugwash at The Old Rep, Ipswich, matey
2. that locker doesn't belong to Mickey Dolenz, Peter Tork or Mike Nesmith
3. only six months until the next Talk Like A Pirate day, yarr!

Be seeing you!

Ed