EDitorial ± 22-Sep-2006

Top Ten Ways To Enhance The Ryder Cup

Top Ten Ways To Enhance The Ryder Cup for non-golf fans:

  1. to help tell who's who, players must dress up in a costume indicative of their name, eg Tiger Woods as Tony The Tiger, Colin Montgomery as Mr Burns, David Howell as Tessa Jowell, etc.
  2. each team to include one robotic player fully controllable by any kid with a Nintendo DS and a WiFi connection
  3. tournament to begin with a race down the 18th hole, The Hooker's Graveyard, with each team's players riding on a single motorised golf cart
  4. phone poll to decide on new name for the competition: press (1) for the Lynam Cup, (2) for the Bough Cup, or (3) for the Dickie Davies Cup
  5. non-stop speed singles: both players tee off simultaneously then sprint after their balls to take their second shot, and so on; first to hole wins
  6. at the 13th hole, Laurel Haven, competitors must play the ball through a small gap which is periodically obstructed by the sails of a giant windmill
  7. lose a hole, lose an item of clothing
  8. team captain can opt to play his exploding ball joker at any time during the round
  9. unlimited heckling & sledging as your opponent addresses the ball
  10. defeated side's players to act as personal butlers to winning side for a whole fortnight

Prepare the fairways.