Infighting at BT: nothing new there -- welcome to an officially sanctioned GPO joust, a telecoms tussle, a Busby battlematch:

• in the blue corner, the Defiants, newly promoted from division 3
• in the red corner, the B52s, newly relegated from division 1

First blood to the younger pretenders as holes 'n' poles Andy, MPG2 Ed and optical Rob each take two points to create an unassailable 6-2 lead. Nil points for opponents BM and DJ, the latter not taking kindly to Andy's ill-timed nets and edges. Deux points for doughtily defending Dave, digging in like a Nizlopi single.

Final singles match sees unbeaten Rob v. unbeaten Dave, pimples v. push, Lucozade Alert (Mental Edge) v. Lucozade Sport (Isotonic). Dave edges the first, sneaks the second, and takes the third: no disgrace to lose to someone who won nearly half his games in a higher division last year.

Rob graciously lets the sounds-like-crack team of Andy and Ed do the doubles. Despite more than one matchpoint, we manage to carry on our hundred per cent record ... of losing. Still, a first win of the season merits a quick milkshake at the Tiles. Mine's a vanilla with honey roast nuts.