Why is it that some places can happily trade under the same name for over 50 years -- hello Jack's -- whereas other places seem to change their name every 5 minutes? To wit, before the assorted Costas and Starbucks came to town, you might have seen me through the window of Delifrance, a pleasant spot for a filled croissant. Forward a few years and the same premises were retitled the Boulangerie, holding on to that Frenchy theme like a Pritt stick. In 1967, this was Marshall's Coffee House. In 2009, this is very much The Orangery, apparently. Overdone the bold?

Part of The Walk, described by picky Pevsner as "a cosy little bit of half-timbered pedestrian shopping", it's impossibly central, more so than even the Central Canteen. Bloomin' busy as I arrived to find that G&A had bagged a booth at the back. They'd ordered too. Waitress was happy to add to her pad my bacon and egg butty. First cafe I've seen offering a shot of (zing!) Relentless on the menu. Today's special: duck salad.

Spit spot, food is here. I guess service has to be pretty darn efficient given the lunchtime trade. All day breakfast sarnie is good enough and reasonably priced, and relatively rare to have a proper bottle of Coke. Everyone knows it tastes better that way.

As we're eating, all eyes are drawn to a sign offering selected hot pudds for only £2. No brainer: we're all in. Treacle sponge for him, jam sponge for him, spotted dick and custard for me. Yum. Comfort food on a chilly day, as recommended by NHS Direct. Tagline at The Orangery is "the cool place for a hot drink", so feel obligated to finish with a coffee. That's not half bad, too. Next time you're picking up some protein shakes from Heroes Fitness Store opposite or a novelty stick of rock from Games & Giggles, drop in before the next Russell rebranding.

If it was a car -- Renault Modus.
If they were passing by -- Jason Orange.